Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

“I know he hurts me, but I just can’t leave.” I watched my friend in disbelief. I could not believe what she was saying. She had been dating this guy for a year now. I thought their love life was perfect. At least they made it to appear so on social media. I was shocked beyond words when she told me of how her boyfriend mistreated her. I could not believe why on earth she would choose to stick with him. For someone who has never been in an abusive relationship, it is almost impossible to understand why someone would choose to stick in one. However, I have learnt by watching people in abusive relationships and also listening to some of my friends that it is not really easy to break away from some of these relationships.

One of the main reasons why someone would choose to stick in such a relationship is due to the manipulation by the abuser. Someone will abuse you and still manipulate you enough to stay. Some of these abusers are pretty nice people. I have met my friend’s boyfriend before and he was pretty nice and very friendly. They do not look like basts, they also do not behave like one. Someone will abuse their partner and later on regret it. The abuser will do anything to receive forgiveness of their partners. If a man beats up his wife, he will look for all ways to make her happy. The abuser will try to show the partner how apologetic they are and how they cannot live without them. This makes the victim to feel like they owe it to their partner to stick around and maybe try and change them. I have seen women who get physically abused by their husbands. However, they cannot leave because they have been manipulated to believe that they are the hope and if they leave then the life of the partner will be destroyed.

Some victims stick in abusive relationships because they feel like their family would not support them if they broke up. I have seen a friend who approached her mother to tell her of how she was in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, the mother turned her away, telling her that it is her fault that her marriage was falling apart. The mother told her that it is the work of a lady to maintain her relationship. You do not run away when your husband starts abusing you. Other families tend to place the value of their family name above everything else. A family may fail to support their daughter when she gets assaulted because they believe that it will bring shame to the family. This is the reason most families will encourage the victims to endure the abuses, and keep hope that everything will be okay. Some families do not like to be associated with the victim of assault, since it brings shame to the family.

It is hard to break away from an abusive relationship if you are not married. It is even harder when one is already married and with kids. There are so many people who stay in abusive relationships for the sake of their children. Many parents stay in marriages, not because they still love each other but because they want the children to enjoy the goodness of being raised in a full family. When I was growing up, we had a neighbor who had three children and a nagging wife. The wife never saw anything good that the husband did. She would insult him even in front of the kids and the neighbors. As a result, the husband got a very low self-esteem. When my parents asked him why he couldn’t leave, he said that he did not want to bring up his children in a broken family.

Others stay because of financial ties. When you are used to sharing your finances and having joint accounts, it becomes hard to just move out. It is even harder when the victim solely depends on the partner for financial support. You cannot just wake up and leave when you have no cent to your name. Most of the abusers take advantage of this since they know that you cannot leave without a source of income. Thus, they will spoil you when you are in good terms, doing it carefully to ensure that you have no money or property to your name. Especially for the married women, you cannot just leave with your children if you have no way of supporting them. There are victims who choose to endure abuse and lead a wealthy life in front of family and friends.

Leaving is not as easy as we may think. I have come to learn that when someone tells me he or she is in an abusive relationship, I should not be so quick to tell them to leave. However, as much as some of these reasons may be valid, it does not make it right to stay in an abusive relationship. No one should have to tolerate abuse, both physically and mentally.