Self-Disclosure, Gender, and Communication

COM 200: Interpersonal Communication

Instructor:

Can We Talk?

The eternal bonds of marriage is no more a reality, and the rapidness of our lives leaves little room for circumspection, making it even more difficult for marriages to sail through the waters of turbulence. Living through the lives of Gen X, the day has arrived when most marriages are tipped “on the rocks” and precariously holds on to the ever weakening threads of symphony.

So what really makes it so difficult for marriages to sustain? Is it the lack of love, or the slowly evanescing sense of responsibility that breaks it up these days. I would say no! The modern age bitterly lacks one very essential ingredient of long term relationship, and that is Communication. In the article written by Nara Schoenberg she has described how important self-disclosure is, and she has blatantly moved on to explain that it only takes 10 minutes every day to share our utmost thoughts and feelings with our spouse or partner. But we don’t really have even that much time for the person whom we had once dreamt to walk the long tortuous steps of life. Her article has further explained, that it is certainly not just communication but the quality of it that matters the most. As far as I am concerned, this paper is really very close to my heart, as I can myself relate to each and every single word that I have read and will write

As a matter of fact I would certainly like to clarify why I agree that self-disclosure is significant and can create happiness in every relationship, and would surely take the pleasure to describe the similarities and differences between gender communication styles, and clarify why I believe I am a fit into the generalizations of gender when it comes to communication.

The article was certainly a piece of gold, that made me realize the importance of quality communication. I could very closely associate myself with the article , and the situations described were very close to the ones that I experience with my fiancée and in the day to day lives. We often go through weeks without talking, and irony creeps in, when words said doesn’t create an impact, cause they are not really said from the heart. There are short conversations at times about children, weekend plans, dinner calls, task allotments but nothing really makes the connect. We certainly miss those heart to heart conversations which we used to have in the early days, and whose absence has left our relationship in a very volatile state currently.

If someone had to ask me I would not agree to anything more but to the fact that self-disclosure is significant in a relationship. Disclosing what’s personal to you while communicating can create a stronger bond and lead to a happy marriage. According to Schoenberg, N. (2011), “Quality communication is defined somewhat differently from study to study, but research consistently has shown a link between happy marriages and “self-disclosure,” or sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts and perceptions with your partner”. Quality time spent talking about our inner thoughts and feelings, can help reduce stress and at the same time can help enhance proximity.

Now when it comes to communication, they are very very different across genders. Although there can be a few similarities like men and women both are quite similar when it comes to self-discloser and lack of understanding. Torppa, C.B. (2010) states that, both women and men can be nurturing, aggressive, task-focused, or sentimental. But what is more important is the perception of messages that is immensely different between a man and a woman. Lack of clear understanding can cause communication difficulties. Now we would be amazed to know the real reason behind this difference is perception. According to Sole, K. (2011), “Men and women have different communication styles because they grow up in different worlds and in different cultures”. It is this vastly spread across cultural difference, and a differing environment to grow in that brings out these differing communication styles.

Coming back to my first claim, that I fit into the generalizations regarding gender, the reason to that would be my belief, which feels that men and women communicate very differently. Women do tend to get emotional at times but men usually stay stolid. While men communicate to solve a problem, but women doesn’t always look for a solution. There are few things, and few satisfactions which can only be realized by letting loose our heart, and who better can understand that but a woman.

To finally sum up I would like to mention that the article was very informative and did offer some great advice to me with my relationship. The best take away for me would be that men and women have similarities as well as differences while communicating, but it does pay off to have a ten-minute quality conversation once every day involving sharing of thoughts and feeling. Learning how to understand each other and communicate effectively is the key to a long lasting relationship.

References:

Schoenberg, N. (2011, Jan 17). Can we talk? researcher talks about the role of communication in happy marriages. McClatchy – Tribune News Service, pp. n/a. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/840600645?accountid=32521

Sole, K. (2011).Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. Retrieved from https://content.ashford.edu/books/AUCOM200.11.1/sections/sec8.3?search=gender%20communication#w79588

Torppa, C. B. (2010). Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships. Family and Consumer Sciences. Retrieved from http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/pdf/fs04.pdf