Principles of Making Marriage Work

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Principles of Making Marriage Work

Question 1

Dr. John Gottman’s 7 principles for making marriage successful, discussed by Laura Heck in this video, include; improving your love maps, fostering your admiration and fondness, partners turning towards one another by doing small things often, allowing your spouse influence you, partners solving their problems, overpowering gridlock, and creating shared meaning (Heck, 21.46- 58.07).

Question 2

The most surprising or exciting principle to me was enhancing love maps. This was interesting because I learned that to have strong and healthy relationships, we must build detailed love maps and strengthen friendships with our partners since the foundation of a relationship is friendships. This was interesting because I understood the importance of understanding our partners’ worlds, including their likes, dislikes, dreams, fears, and goals. Besides, it was interesting to learn why we should ask our partners open-ended questions, which do not require a yes or no answer but are aimed at chipping away at who this person is. (Heck, 21.49 – 22. 50).

Question 3

From the principles of making marriage successful in this video, I will thoroughly discuss the principle of nurturing or fostering your affection and admiration and the principle of letting your partner influence you. Promoting or fostering your appreciation and admiration entails partners thinking about their loved ones in affectionate and admiring ways vs. critically and negatively. When it comes to nurturing a person’s fondness and admiration, admiration, and fondness equals friendship, which equals passion and intimacy. According to this principle, fondness, affection, and admiration can be rekindled. This principle further explains how admiration and fondness are antidotes to contempt. Heck gives an example of this principle through an illustration of waking up in the morning and noticing that your husband has drool coming out of his mouth and has a retainer which makes him not look handsome, or waking up next to your husband and seeing him looking handsome and sexy. You don’t realize any mistakes (Heck 23. 10- 24). When it comes to letting your partner influence you, this principle shows honor and respect to your partner, strengthening the marital friendship between the partners. It indicates a better position to reach a compromise. An example of this principle is Heck’s illustration of how she lets her partner influence her decision regarding buying a new vehicle (Heck 32.26- 33).

Question 4

In my life, I think that my marriage relationship would be a good one to work on utilizing these principles. The seven principles help manage and strengthen partners’ friendships and relationships. Besides, these principles involve communicating in a way that is genuinely hearing your partner, being able to work through a problem, and having meaningful connections with other people.

Question 5

One way in which I could use these principles in my marriage relationship is by creating a shared meaning with my partner. Being in a marriage relationship means I have to go through life with my partner; therefore, there is a need to create and find meaning in life together. I can use this principle of creating a shared meaning by sharing roles, rituals, and goals with my partner. Another way I can work on these principles is by letting my partner influence me when making important and sensitive decisions within our family. Lastly, I can work on these principles in my marriage relationship by considering the importance of solving solvable problems with my partner.

Question 6

The information learned from Dr. John Gottman’s 7 principles for doing marriage work back to the previous course concepts we have already covered. For example, this information connects to attraction, affection, and love through fostering fondness and admiration. Through this principle, we understand better why we should keep showing love and appreciation to our partners in all situations. Lastly, letting your partner influence you connects to the concept of disclosure and attachment.

Reference

Laura Heck The Science of Great Relationships. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rqBAUbVFKQ