Mao Yufan (Cecilia) 119030063 L4

Mark Crimmins

HSS 1004: Analytical writing

21 November 2021

In the Shadow of an Old Translation: An Analysis of Two Translations of À la Recherche du Temps Perdu

À la Recherche du Temps Perdu was written by Marcel Proust. C. K. Scott Moncrieff ranslated the text into English with the title “Remembrance of Things Past”. Later, Lydia Davis wrote In Search Of Lost Time to complete the series. There are no major differences in the translated texts, but the translators’ choices may lead to different variation fo meanings from the reader. affect Later translations such as Davis’s work improved the quality of writing on the translations. Diction conveys emotions and captures themes such as involuntary memory while varying the sentence structure keeps the reader’s interest without changing the original meaning.

The translations are similar in their reference to the original title, but the translators use different diction to capture specific aspects of language such as emotions and convictions. Moncrieff’s version uses better word choices to bring out emotions in comparison to Davis’s version. For example, the use of the word Coeur in Moncrieff’s work translates to “courage” while the same is translated as “heart” in Davis’s text. From this word choice, Moncrieff’s is able to better capture the emotions through the use of diction that appeals to a more modern audience. The translated works are well interconnected to the original text, but the differences in style of expression and action mean that Moncrieff’s translation conveys relatable meaning and context better than Davis. Moncrieff presents the connotative and denotative meaning better in reference to the original text.

The word choice in the translated texts is based on the understanding of the translators and the richness of their vocabulary both in French and English. There are different versions of the opening line by different translators. Moncrieff writes, “for a long time I used to go to bed early” Compared to Davis’ expression “for a long time, i went to bed early.” Going to bed early reflects the same thing, but the difference is translating the verb in the appropriate tense or form. Moncrieff shows continuity thereby instilling some sense of emotions while Davis version is direct and lacks attachment. Other minor differences in diction have similar meanings. For example, Moncrieff writes “doing unusual things” while Davis’s translation is that there is excitement by “unaccustomed activities”.

Davis’s translation of the title In Search Of Lost Time captures the original text’s theme on celebrating involuntary memory. On the other hand, Moncrieff’s translation Remembrance of Things Past is less effective as it reflects ‘summoning’ the past. The theme of involuntary memoir is closely linked with sensory experiences. Davis uses a more literal rendering of the original text, while Moncrieff’s title borrows heavily from Shakespearean writing styles. The word ‘time’ is essential in the original text, but Moncrieff’ left this out, and Davis’s title translation is more accurate (Sansom, 1973). Time and memory are major themes in the book (Sansom, 1973), with the narrator speaking in two voices as a young boy and an old man. 

English punctuation, such as misplaced commas, affects the overall meaning as commas are necessary to break down and group words, clauses, and phrases. Sometimes Moncrieff misses the commas and uses unnecessary commas. For instance, in the opening line, “FOR A LONG time I used to go to bed early,” there is a need for a comma after time. Generally, Davis makes better use of punctuation, but Davis also misses comma coordinating conduction “and” to join clauses and compound sentences. Thus there are longer sentences in both translations that could be broken into smaller sentences. Using simpler synonyms for words such as unintelligible and metamorphosis would also make it easier to understand Davis’s translated text.

Lydia’s sentence structure is varied, making the translation more effective in reflecting the intended meaning. Furthermore, the translator used dashes to indicate emphatic pauses and show the relationship between words to reflect the intended emotion. For instance, Davis used dashes in the sentence “he ate an egg and enjoyed it- if he digests it without trouble. It is easier to differentiate parts of sentences when there are dashes, and they also connect with the independent clauses. Most sentences are made up of a subject and a predicate, and predicates have one or more verbs in complex sentences. Since a sentence is a thematic unit consisting of words and referring to a specific topic, the sentence structure effectively reflects the ideas and intended meaning.

Moncrieff focused on maintaining the original meaning, but Davis’s translation focused on the meaning and context without unnecessary substitutions. Davis’s translation of the title captures the theme of involuntary memory over time. Additionally, Davis succeeds in exploring the major themes by emphasizing the main points in the translation. In the correct context, the transmission of the intended message is necessary to convey the appropriate meaning, and Davis’s translation clarifies the meaning. The diction affects the meaning, and Moncrieff used appropriate word substitution to reflect the meaning and context better than Davis. Both translators went beyond literal translations to reflect, and Davis varies the sentence structure but chooses simpler words to express the intended meaning in the translations. Using simple words and common terminology is also helpful for the translated text to be well understood while maintaining the original style and meaning.

References

Sansom, W. (1973). Proust and his World. Thames & Hudson.