Fear of Commitment after Divorce from Adlerian Perspective

Introduction

Under various counseling perspectives, divorce is handled in a similar way as grief and loss counseling is conducted. Adlerian perspective is not among the best backgrounds to address grief and loss, but with a special mention of the specific life challenges facing the client, useful counseling insights are established to back the main perspectives. According to Hartshorne (2003), the most established psychological perspectives to handle grief and loss include psychoanalytic perspective, attachment perspective as well as psychosocial perspective. Psychoanalytic theory particularly devotes a grief work model that assesses the intricacies of the process involved in the breaking of the bond between the parting parties and the social changes that occur. On the other hand, attachment perspective assesses the loss of a social attachment that naturally reestablishes itself defying the apparent disconnection. Alternatively, psychosocial transition also devotes a significant research to explore reconstruction of a challenged relationship occasioned by the ensuing loss. All of the three theories provide a cyclic healing process which must be handled in stages for successful recovery of the client.

With specific regard to the Adlerian perspective however, there are various issues that arise in the life of an affected client which the counselor must attempt to resolve and success thereon possibly resolves the gravity of loss (Watts, 2003). This discourse details on the application of the areas of focus under Adlerian perspective as documented in a session. The main areas of the clients’ life are used to divide the session into segments. According to Jacobs (1999), grief and mourning can also be examined under Adlerian perspective as a disorder that expresses a whole range of inner social challenges which can be handled through therapy to correct the wrong perceptions held by clients.

Adlerian Group Therapy

Focus Group: 6 male friends affected by divorce are participating in the continuing group therapy focusing on the Adlerian perspective. These individuals include B.A., C.F., D.R., J.T., K.U., and L.E., who have presenting challenges under various circumstances related to the divorce cases. The counselor is indicated under abbreviation CLR., and is in charge of the session.

CLR:Welcome gentlemen to our group therapy session today, this being our first meeting. Feel most welcome and free to be a part of our collective solution finding for the sake of our social health. As everyone is aware, this is a group counseling session that will be meeting once every week for 25 minutes to continue with our therapy. We will begin with a brief introduction for every one of us. (After B.A., C.F., D.R., J.T., K.U. and L.E. have made introductions, the counselor makes the house rules known to the group).

As general practice, counseling sessions have a few rules that must be followed to make the therapy operate smoothly and on schedule. We shall be looking at three rules today while we will continue with the others the next time we meet. The first of the rules is confidentiality rule which bars every one of us from sneaking anything out of this room. I am also barred from speaking anything out of this room as part of my professional duty. As a matter of commitment for the same, we are obliged to sign confidentiality commitment forms which will bind us all to this very important rule. The second rule involves punctuality to the sessions which must be strictly observed to make the necessary progress by the group. Our third rule of the day involves respect for each other during our sessions. We will accommodate every contribution forwarded by all of us, which will be conducted without discrimination. We shall go on to our session today.

Lifestyle

CLR: How has each of you experienced lifestyle changes since the divorce?

C.F: Thanks a lot for the chance. Losing your beloved one in a divorce is actually a loss when you cease seeing each other. You don’t see each other; you don’t share your lives again. You have to adapt to a new life without an important part of your social life. In general, my lifestyle changed to bear the new social grounds without my spouse, despite the troubled environment we had. She asked for the divorce and I honestly haven’t come to terms with the lonely feeling since we parted ways three months ago. My lifestyle has since changed greatly.

B.A: Thank you. I don’t feel like myself anymore because I felt awful too since the divorce proceedings were initiated by my ex-wife. I don’t feel like I can be a husband again. It’s painful and I really need help. I think these sessions are timely for my condition.

K.U: For my case it’s a bit different. I particularly find it difficult to handle the separation with my kids. We had been in very bad terms with my wife since we got married and I found comfort outside our marriage. I only need to be with my children, but it’s difficult.

D.R: I can’t stand the challenge of coming to terms with the infidelity that my ex-wife brought into our marriage.

L.E: My challenge with the divorce is that I realize that I was the cause of all the problems leading to our disagreements. Since we divorced, things have completely changed and I can’t do anything in peace due to the guilt.

J.T: For my wife to have been involved in secret business and investments was out of control for me. How I stayed with her in the marriage without noticing is laughable and I need to find someone to help me in my family’s investment. My lifestyle has changed since I have to be in charge more keenly over my investment.

CLR: Thank you for your genuine contributions. The therapy has just begun now that we have started to identify the lifestyle changes that the divorce has caused. It is very important that identification of our challenges in lifestyle can be spotted from the divorce as a social challenge (Harvey, 1998). Nearly all of you feel lonely as a result of the divorce and we shall begin from there, to assist you come to terms with the divorce and cope with the divorce facts. Some of you miss their spouses while all of you miss your children too. Understanding the lifestyle impact that the grieving could make on your social life will help you to progress. Our lifestyle could also be our limiting factors which prevent us to realize complete satisfaction in social scenes (Dowling, 2009).

Social Interest and the Life Tasks

CLR: We now would like to have contributions regarding how the divorce has changed your social interests or even impacted on your basic life tasks.

C.F: Socially, I feel like I am less acceptable among my peers for having parted ways with my wife. I think she does not have the same feeling with me but my social presence is affected. I don’t want to mingle a lot since people are watching me and have that bad tag on me.

B.A: I can’t think of approaching another lady for marriage and I don’t know if I will ever trust anyone else that much. I can’t even feel comfortable doing my normal work. It feels like I’m in isolation even at the work place.

K.U: I have no problem with my wife having found me inefficient in our marriage relationship. I felt like my social life would be affected only in a little way and I will soon find another wife. But the damage the divorce caused me with withdrawal of custody over my children, it is difficult. I find no logic going to work if I can’t be with my children and my work productivity has greatly reduced.

D.R: I have lost a lot of friends since I became withdrawn from public and social life. I can’t trust a lady anymore since my trust was trampled on by one of them. She slept with many men and I think I’m just lucky she did not infect me with some STIs. My productivity is also affected since I can’t unwind in a social activity.

L.E: I think I have lost so much trust from my friends who have even reduced their concern over my life. I have been in trouble at work recently and I think it is due to the impact of the divorce.

J.T: My social life has been affected and I can’t find enough time to manage all the work and enjoy a social life.

CLR: It is very important that every one of us gave something similar to the effect that social life and task orientation are greatly affected by a divorce, which is a related to grieving. Finding our path back to a healthy social life will tremendously find us back to productivity and overcome divorce challenges (Watts, 2003).

(A short break for making fun is allowed to keep the discussion lively).

Goal Directedness

CLR: Why do you think your feelings direct you to be gloomy only after the divorce?

C.F: I think grieving for the loss in divorce is a reaction to my loneliness.

B.A: for my case it is because I feel offended and defied by my wife; I am supposed to be obeyed by my wife.

K.U: I’m affected because I need my life back; my children

D.R: My grieving is as a result of someone breaking my dignity.

L.E: Mine is the guilt; it must get out me. I caused these problems that I am in.

J.T: My property and money must be safe. It is my responsibility to ensure that and my brain knows when to react.

CLR: You are all correct; our bodies react to forces of separation, hurt and assist in adapting to the difficult situation. Coming to terms with what these challenges are will help everyone to avoid negative impact and assist in a maximizing the positives.

By understanding the various aspects that Adlerian perspective makes from an analysis of a divorce case, we identify the above sub-sections of impact that can be applied to find a solution to the happenings. Since every one of us is a social being, social setting is perhaps the most important stage that we need to facilitate the various engagements we make with the environment and other people.

L.E: Does it mean that even when we are angry at ourselves for committing a costly mistake it can be solved?

CLR: Precisely. From the above analysis, we will try to fix our experiences into the Adlerian perspective which will facilitate the necessary reaction and avoid inappropriate grieving over the loss. The most important thing to understand is that each one of us has potential to look at things differently and make the best out of the challenging condition. Without taking charge of the occurrences in your life, things will always appear nasty (Dowling, 2009). . Having set the first stage for the therapy, we will be revisiting each of the classes of analysis through an open discussion that will help us find our own solutions. I will be looking forward to hear what every individual has resolved to do about each of these challenges then we compare with the Adlerian perspective. Before we are dismissed, we shall sign the confidentiality forms and remember the importance of what we are signing. Please feel free to write any disturbing query and we shall discuss it when we meet next. Bye every one.

References

Dowling, H. (2009) “Psychopathology: Adlerian Perspective,” Retrieved from: HYPERLINK “http://www.articlesbase.com/psychology-articles/psychopathology-adlerian-perspective-1227747.html” http://www.articlesbase.com/psychology-articles/psychopathology-adlerian-perspective-1227747.html

Hartshorne, T. S. (2003) “Grief and Mourning from an Adlerian Perspective,” Retrieved from: HYPERLINK “http://www.cmich.edu/chsbs/Documents/…/Grief%20and%20Mourning.pdf” www.cmich.edu/chsbs/Documents/…/Grief%20and%20Mourning.pdf

Harvey, J. H. (1998) Perspectives on loss: a sourcebook. Philadelphia, PA: Psychology Press

Jacobs, S. (1999) Traumatic grief: diagnosis, treatment and prevention. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner/ Mazel

Watts, R. E. (2003) Adlerian, cognitive and constructivist therapies: an integrative dialogue. New York, NY: Spinger Publishing Company Inc.