Unresolved Conflict due to Unresolved Loss

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Unresolved Conflict due to Unresolved Loss

Many families face several issues about loss. Different members of the family grieve their loss in different ways. Failure to grieve may result in problems in the future. In this case, from the video, the problem arose when Michelle, the fifteen-year-old, started skipping classes. Guidance and counseling teacher, after having a short session with her, realized that there was a more significant issue other than Michelle skipping classes (Wicket, 2022. 00:06:33). Monica, the therapist guidance and counseling teacher, referred them, also saw that there was a problem based on unresolved loss and conflict.

The central conflict the family is dealing with is a lack of connection with one another. This problem mainly arises from David, who felt that Monica was not handling the matter as she should (Wicket, 2022, 00:19:25). He had lost his connection with his children from his first marriage with Diane. Michelle said everything had to revolve around her step-sister Jade, who was two years old. David had no connection with his father, who seemed reserved and died due to alcoholism. He also had no contact with his mother’s twin sister until Monica persuaded him to connect with her. Kathleen, David’s second wife, also had no connection with her side of the family. She was not even sure of her nephew’s age and name (Wicket, 2022, 00:14:28). Monica noticed that Michelle felt a lack of connection within the family which made her feel lost, resulting in her behavior of skipping classes. Another issue was the lack of communication. It took a lot from Monica to get the family members to speak up. David needed a lot of pushing since he did not see any fault in himself and thought Monica was wasting his time.

Diane’s death was never a topic of discussion in the family. David did not allow Michelle and her brother, Julian, to grieve the death of their mother. Michelle was not even allowed to attend her mother’s funeral. The only connection she felt to her mother was her grandmother Carmen whose death was hidden from Michelle. David married Kathleen a few months after Diane’s death (Wicket, 2022, 00:59:20). He did not give the children, let alone himself, time to grieve his wife. The children must have felt that their mother was being replaced since Kathleen took over the role of their mother. This is shown in her rules over Michelle, which Michelle is very intentional about not following. Since David did not address the death of her mother and grandmother, Michelle feels that that part of her is non-existent to her father.

After listening to the history, Monica decided to hold a session with Julian, Michelle, and David (Wicket, 2022, 00:57:28). From the session, David realized his fault for not being a parent to Julian and Michelle after the death of their mother. He also discovers that he is the problem and becomes more willing to open up. Julian plays a massive role in making his father open up by giving his story.

References

Wicket, H. (2022). The Legacy of Unresolved Loss: A Family Systems Approach https://youtu.be/LVeMDBNSrOI