Dating And The Single Parent Book Review

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Dating and the Single Parent Book Review

Introduction

Single parent dating is an exciting and at the same time a very complex topic that most single parents, at one point, face either with palpitation apprehension or devout joy (Phillips & Phillips 2006). Regardless of the circumstance surrounding single parents in their singlehood life, they tend not to spend their time lonely live. Whenever they plan to begin dating, the questions that dominates their minds is; are there rules and regulations that govern single dating? At what time do they bring the children into their lives?In an attempt to answer these questions, when individuals date other single parent like themselves, the most things that they are required to discover is the custody of their arrangement. This will enable both of them to schedule their dating time without interfering with their children, who are priority in their life. It is always advisable for partners to introduce their children to the other dating partners as friends during initial stages (Deal, 2012). One should always be focused on his children than dating, so that the children feel secured.

Summary of the Book

In the case where kids predate dating, the couple’s relationship will inherently produce competing adherence. Choosing to be with children or one’s partner automatically calls for omission of the other. In this case, the children will feel left out of the new move (Deal, 2012). In addition, children usually feel unsafe with their mother’s or father’s relationship. Wise singles will always recognize this crucial dynamic and tend not to take for granted that being couples not necessarily yield to a family. They will always serve both parties and take more time evaluating how the potential stepfather or stepmother relationships are evolving.Parents, who plan to date quickly after the end of a relationship (maybe as a result of death or separation) or those who make a quick decision to marry after a shorter dating period, more often than not find their children opposing their marriage plans. Smart single parents always take a good wider look of themselves in the mirror before initiating a date (Deal, 2012). They analyze their need for dating, awes (like their children being fatherless), solitariness, and dissonant heart (particularly after divorce)Long before dating, single parents usually initiate a series of conversation with their children especially those who usually conjecture a lot about their relationships. They think of many ‘what ifs?’ questions that surround their lives and the perception and reactions attached to their children concerning their intended date. They will always engage in the questions like, what if I get married, how would my children feel? Mature single parents will never allow their children to dictate their dating progress, but will always listen and give consideration to their children attachments. Engaging in these types of conversations with single parents throughout their dating period is welcomed as they anticipate the development in each stage of the relationship.Whenever individuals fall in love, they should never abandon their family by spending much free time with their new lovers. Even though it is very tempting, doing so instills fear in their children. This is because they lose the one they love, and this gives a wrong impression about their new dating partners. As a result, they should try never to lose balance amidst your new dating (Deal, 2012).If individuals love their relationship, they should always advise your partners to go home and have some time with their children. This act will yield so many benefits; it helps to lower the fears in children regarding your relationship, at the same time, keeps perspective in their relationships. One should always remember that the relationship is as more important to the other partner’s children as it is important theirs. To the kids, liking their parent dating partner sometimes produces a problem. They are sometimes not well equipped with skills of embracing other people and accepting their feelings without hurting them. Since most children are commonly caught in royalty of conflicts, they sometimes give a warm reception to the parent’s partner, but later may develop cold reception (Deal, 2012). One should not rush to judge the children harshly, but to relax and be comfortable with what they are giving.

Potentials for ‘Dating and the Single Parent’ Book for Christians Premarital Couples

This book is not a surface-feel-good book, after flipping through all the pages, it makes one to look at him realistically. Every page is found relevant and significant to all Christians especially the single parents who are opting for dating. The author is always up front in one’s face with real issues facing single parents who are already dating and are just about to cement their relationship. The author first of all asks his readers to seek God‘s blessings in everything they do include dating (Deal, 2012). He goes further and list discussion questions so as to prevent users from repeating the same mistakes they have made in life (Phillips & Phillips, 2006). These issues are listed at the end of each chapter some with biblical supports that hammer home information and make a reader look realistically as a Christian currently dating or planning to initiate a date.The author of the book encourages the readers always to seek for God’s wisdom needed to make the best dating decisions. The Christians single parents should always be ready to follow God’s guidance even when they seem difficult. The readers should keep in mind their perspective in relationship is limited and on the other hand God’s decision is perfect, therefore, it is always important to trust in God (Phillips & Phillips, 2006). Christians should be able to understand what motivates dating and kinds of goals they have in the dating relationship. If both dating partners can walk humbly in God guidance and share common values, and both dating partners sacrifice to love each other with full hearts, then the partners’ children will be truly blessed by God. Additionally, God’s goal for single parents dating is to form a healthy marriage and a happy family.Quick dating or marriage can sometimes harm your romantic life or family relationship. Christian should take an ample time to truly get to know the ability of their spouses and their family in details before making a final decision that will entirely change their entire life and the life others concern. It is usually good to wait for at least two years after the death or divorce of the spouse before one begin to date. This is coupled with another two years after dating before deciding on marriage. The book advises the readers to be focus on becoming spiritually and emotionally healthy as they look for the right person to date. This is what God wants a single parent to practice before he begins another relationship (Phillip & Phillips, 2006). In addition, one should heal fully from trauma of divorce or death of a spouse and always lay confidence in God alone for the future prosperity. Single parents should understand that the loss of the previous marriage has brought a permanent change in their lives and their kids. They should, therefore, remain stronger and believe in Jesus Christ.

Ideas that can be Highly Criticize in the Book are as Follows

Even though the author of the book hails more reasons as to why single parents should take more time and also gives the guidelines on single parent dating, there are some of his ideas that open weakness necessary enough for critics. Some of the ideas can be criticized as follows:It usually makes sense that some men with kids always schedule and have fixed time with them. Whether they are in full custody of the children, they will always devote little time to leisure that they would have enjoyed together with dating partner. These men will tend to avoid most outings since for them to go, they may require carrying babysitters or looking for some people to take care of their kids. Some dates may be forced to be postpone or canceled in case there are no babysitters or when there are no people to take care of the kids (Munroe & Levine, 2009). This can proof tedious and sometimes bring inconvenience in the relationships.In some cases, where the single mother is in a relationship with a man with kids, the woman should know that she is in a relationship with his children, his kids’ mother, his own mother and his relatives. She should remember that his family was there long before she came into his life. The man will always take his kids and families more seriously than the dating partner. Under normal circumstances, the woman will feel she is of less priority in that relationship (Munroe & Levine, 2009).

In conclusion, the author of the book has captured most touching issues affecting single parents who are dating. His book is found relevant to modern society full of divorce cases as it gives divorcee hope of beginning another word of love. Single dating rules that are outlined in this book are found relevant even to the modern Christians because the author had used biblical references in supporting his facts. The dating rules outlines here give the do and don’ts in dating. Even though there can be critics to the ideas conveyed by the author, the positive reactions that the book has received from readers supersedes the negative critics. The book is therefore found very relevant to dating and single parents.

References

Deal, R. (2012). Dating and the single parent: Are you ready to date?, talking with your kids, avoiding a big mistake, finding lasting love. Minneapolis, Minn.: Bethany House.

Munroe, E., & Levine, I. (2009). The everything guide to stepparenting: Practical, reassuring advice for creating healthy, long-lasting relationships. Avon, MA: Adams Media.

Phillips, R., & Phillips, S. (2006). Holding hands, holding hearts: Recovering a biblical view of Christian dating. Phillipsburg, N.J.: P & R Pub.